Shipments of Christmas lights were intercepted and replaced with those that could be monitored via a tiny transmitter in the plug. They were looking, in the results, for a sequence of flashes that would induce homicidal tendencies but the best they had managed over the years were arguments, tantrums and inexplicable outbursts of tears. They did manage to provoke the occasional beating but the combination of flickering sequences seemed to differ in all the "success" installations. The only commonality was that they occurred on Christmas Day only (some happened on Boxing Day but they were written off as justified displays of human nature on such a potentially miserable day).
It was only when they started recreating the Christmas Day experience on test subjects that they eventually got the breakthrough they were looking for - and it was more complex than they had ever imagined. Put simply, it was down to a synesthetic assault: cooking smells, gastronomic plenitude, level of noise and the correct mix of colour - not just the flickering - in the lights. It was this precise combination that aggravated the limbic system of the brain and produced an extreme influence on behaviour.
On the day that the correct combination was achieved the four test subjects tore each other apart; quite literally. The surviving subject then used a decapitated body to beat down the door to the observers and proceeded to bite, claw and gouge his way through almost a dozen victims before he was destroyed.
That was just over six years ago. Since then large shipments of Christmas Lights have once again been intercepted and replaced before they reached those welcoming shops. So if you have bought Christmas lights within the last six years then the warning, my friend, is this:
For those lights are fitted with tiny receivers,
which will switch to a signal from those evil deceivers.
They will flicker and flash and mess with your brain
and raise bloody fury to slaughter and maim.
So gather your family and reflect on the past…